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Yesterday, an old-ish lady tried to walk off with my Wheat Thins at the checkout counter. She was leaving and was seemed confused why she only had one bag, and thought it best to fix this by taking one of mine. I didn't say anything, and it was only after she was actually taking the bag that the checkout clerk stopped her by explaining she only had one bag.

It was kind of surreal, but she seemed like she was losing her mind or something the way she had this profound confused look - like conservation of mass failed and she was boggled as how to correct it. I'm very easy-going about such things (she could have easily left with the bag) and the clerk and I talked about how I should relate the story, preferably casting her as a thug. It was pretty funny, but the lady's unease still bothers me.


I think that look was your cue to go up to her with an angry look and exclaim "Zebra?! Put some pants on the apple crisp!" And then pull your credit card out of your wallet, point to it emphatically, and say "THE RUSSIANS!" Just to complete the experience.

She may have called the police, but the deposition would have been awesome.