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One round left - a last chance

But that's mostly because of this quarter. This one was just demotivating. I don't handle the world doing inconsistent things, and this last few months have been exceptionally lousy that way. My research was set back because my laser needed to be rotated 90 degrees - which I never caught because I was still learning about that stuff and just figured the effect was really tight. My prototype didn't demo - despite working fine a few days earlier - and I found out that somehow the DAQ had two wires swapped; it worked great afterword. My final exam - turns out to be just a horrible way to make me feel and incompetant: I wasn't once asked about anything I had worked for nearly the last year - just some piddling details that weren't even relevant (I'd know, those issues the profs brought up? They were my main concern for the first few weeks last year - then I found they were irrelevant, my team and I moved on). Even my friends have ongoing problems that despite my periphery I am still catching cross-fire.

I have never been so fundamentally frustrated and unhappy as over these last few weeks - not depressed, just nothing worked. And now that it's over, I'm still feelin' pretty lousy. I mean, the obstacles I rallied against for these last few months were not even defeated - they were strawmen, never really there. I still don't have any idea why it took weeks to get my LabVIEW program running; it just suddenly started doing precisely what I designed it to do - all it took was two and a half weeks of fixing idiotic little unexpected errors that crept in from God knows where.

No major accomplishments, no real obstacles overcome, no real gains - but all the tiredness that comes from the pursuit of these. I used to say I'd never bother with alcohol, and a friend once replied that I come home from work one day and it'd be exactly the thing I wanted. I think I know exactly what that person meant now.

To get psyched for the next quarter, I got GitS SAC Solid State Society OST, which is not the best, but I just can't seem to get the first track out of my head. Russian techno rock, I think. Anyway, I'm going to order Vol.7 of GitS SAC 2nd Gig and finally see how it ends. Should be a bit 'o the awesome, probably the high point of break.

Comments

Ah, I'm sorry. But the important thing is that you're here now and it's a vacation, so take a break. We get to take Robotics next quarter!