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I'm not even a very good natured person

Quite a few things came to mind to mention, but instead I'll just say the following:

I assume the best of people when possible. For a long time I assumed that the people I hang around with are simply unaware or fail to make the connection that the stuff they say are offensive to certain groups. I figure they simply don't believe the things they say are actually offensive.

I am apparently wrong.

So I am confused as to the proper course of action. As a matter of principle and practice, I do not stay angry long - thus it is difficult for me to remember precisely how much I have been infuriated, enraged, or deeply hurt and offended by the crass insensitivity of comments by those around me (these comments are not limited to those directly pertinent to myself). I do know, though, that it is a large amount, and I'm sure few understand that.

Again, I do not stay angry, and I feel little now. My real problem is how to correct the misconception that offensive comments aren't. It's a stupid stance, and since it requires a total lack of consideration for another group, I seriously question the value of such people. I feel a lot of guilt for not striking back more, or even at all. That my God's name could be mocked with such nonchalance in my presence shows that I am not only a lousy Christian, but I choose lousy people as friends. I am crushed that it took that to wake me to this problem.

But here I am getting angry. So I will stop.

Comments

So what are you going to do?

--Lissa
http://irrsinn.net
I've been asking myself that for months (I often try to prepare for worst case scenarios just in case - hope for the best, prepare for the worst and all that.)

Truth is, it is one of the only social problems I've never solved for myself. Inaction works for mild cases, no big deal - but it fails me now. I hate animosity and discord more than anything else - if I ever found found I stumbled another (and I have) it would crush me.

But I really have no way of getting others to feel that way. So I'll just stumble, skin my knees raw, and hope I don't trip for a while.
Is it possible to have a serious discussion with the folks? To get their attention (no teevee, no games, etc.), and explain to them that what they've done is something that you aren't willing to abide by?

Do you think they'll take you seriously?

--Lissa
http://irrsinn.net
I'm no good at direct confrontations - I lose control too quickly. Really, this LJ post is a sledgehammer compared to how I'd like to deal with it. I'll try my usual methods first - draw attention to it, add a negative back spin to it, etc. Over the course of a couple weeks, I usually find a person catches on and points it out, or they stop automatically. It takes careful observation to pull it off, which takes an awful lot of effort, but it rarely fails.

Stepping up to the big guns is an absolute last resort - damage is almost always severe, and I haven't the will to pull the trigger.

(Anonymous)

jewing is a part of my vocabulary. I'm not changing it, it describes the situation perfectly. On the other hand, "turn the other cheek?" Life is about compromise, however, and there is usually a happy medium to be found. Or a dead body, I never remember which.

I thought this post was great, but doubt it will accomplish much

-Naked Dave
Sober, but honest.
I figured so. Still, you can wear a phrase out. It's not a double reverse good natured joke, it's just using a group as an explitive. Mostly, though, it's that I can't get peace in my own home. Somedays I don't feel like listening to hackneyed ethnic slurrs, and there really isn't anybody who would care.

But it's where I live, and there's nowhere else to go.
If your current living situation drives you so insane, are there not other options for senior year?

--Lissa
http://irrsinn.net
I've been putting off a reply to this; truth is, I really like my home here. I come back from staying with family and then relax. There are actually a few alternatives open to me, but I don't feel this is a deal breaker - I still think it can be fixed.

I'm at least a little territorial I suppose :)
dave, you should realize that you are invading someones home and being a dick
there are many words to describe this, but I think hitting you with a baseball bat may be the best course of action if you keep doing things like that
and I will because andrew will not want to
so be nice
*laugh* I wonder how many other visitors to 004 ask themselves if they are being dicks when visiting? There are some days when I heart you, Mr. Socks.

--Lissa
http://irrsinn.net
It warms my heart to hear this from both of you. I fear the number is small - I mean we have quite a few permanent guests. I've always figured they felt they lived there. They're wrong, but it's certainly understandable.
I actually didn't realize you were that offended since you never really said anything. I'll definitely try to be more considerate in the future and I'm really sorry for anything I've said or done to hurt you.
Thanks, I appreciate that. And don't worry, I hold grudges like any emotion - fleetingly. (Besides, you're not much of one to make a slurr.)