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Finding serenity

So I feel better. That vacation had exactly the effect I wanted, and I'm happier. I have also regressed my outlook to a more optimistic time. Still some chinks to work out, but these are major flaws I have been battling much of my life. Some day I'll fix 'em perhaps.

On the slate is a decision. My end goals are a simplicity of spirit and mind. Clearly, anyone who carries a conversation beyond greeting me will know I am failing at that. In the end, the key is understanding that the complexity is for solidifying one's foundations, adding weight to the credibility of core axioms. In the end, the conceptual scaffolding must come down, the thought processes must grind down and the analytical loops close. When the dust finally settles, and the tools and temporary paradigms are stowed away,
all that is left is the simple truth that was set out to be verified.
Not that the methods, heuristics, and conclusions can just be ignored or were for naught, but they are simply a vehicle for the verification of the axiom. (Not that axioms can be verified, but it can be rationed out to greater acceptability.) In other words, garbage collect.

As always, the trick is knowing when to slough off the processes that are no longer needed. Soon, I need to defrag, unclutter, and simplify my mind - I get mentally tired too fast. Streamline if you will. The task is simple, move on. And I'm about to drop that deep stuff for a while, restart from a clean slate and hopefully a new angle.

In the spirit of deep thoughts, I leave you with one of Andy's away messages:
If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!!

Ear plug beats noise cancellation in quality headphones (not Bose perhaps, but the headphones cost $60 - I'm returning them asap.)

Starting tomorrow the periods will tone off as usual, and my auto-away messages should be working.

Sleep well friends.

Comments

Really?

I am not sure that a more simplistic spirit and mind are what you really want. In order to achieve that goal you would have to change who you are and you do not appear to me to be someone who is entirely unhappy with the way that you are. Simplicity may seem ideal, and indeed it may be for some people, but I am of the opinion that you thrive on complexity. This is made manifest in the friends you choose, the way you talk and write, the way you think and the passion with you express what you believe to be right. If you found you simple truth, what would you do with it. You are an investigator, not a librarian. What you looking for I know not but even if you do not find it I think you will enjoy the search more than the ultimate outcome of that search.

(Anonymous)

Maybe

Well, the quest, the journey, really is the important part.

And you're right. But it's a different simplicity - not innocent blank simplicity. It's the moment where you feel you understand something adequately, and it seems clear. Like standing outside in a storm, and knowing just the right places where the rain swirls and blows viciously around you, but you stay dry.

Inner calm is a cliche that is worth it. For a few days on two separate occasions years ago I understood and felt it. I'm striven for it ever since.

I guess I've always wanted to be happy. It's that simple. Getting there just seems to be the tricky part; maybe I've just resigned myself to the journey.