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Halt failed: infinite recursion background process loop running

I am tired most of the time. I've been catching up on sleep, but I can't pull myself to fell motivated. More like I can't get my self motivated to feel motivated. I'm not depressed, just everything feels optional.
I've never been burnt-out like this. Past I burned so hard I felt my immune system snap; I have stayed up for days; I have accomplished much in crunch periods, and have pulled in right under the buzzer.
Doubt that's gonna happen much more, and I do not know what's changed. I used to have enough raw determination that I could do it, but now nothing.
I hope it's just a phase, but it's probably not. I wish it was due to depression, insomnia, moody weather, or the onset of a nervous breakdown - but I've never accepted those excuses before.
Best I can tell, I feel like I've got no will or thought left for anything else - and I just don't know what's occupying my processing time, like some problem is getting solved, but I forgot what the question was. When I'm awake, I feel great, but entirely preoccupied - but there's no indication as to what is distracting me.

I'm scared, because what if I never find a solution? What if it takes over?
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that is what most of freshmen and sophmore year were like for me
it is scary when it takes over
I can work with it now but I have not found any good answer
I don't know how to help with this. I wish that I did, but I don't. All I can think to do is give you a *hug*. Regardless, I think that in the end, you will win. I have seen you exhibit too much raw determination in the past to believe that you can't beat whatever comes at you. Even when it comes from the inside.

wow, small world

so i don't think i know you, but this sounds like me last fall semester, or my SO recently, or my friends at random points now or in the past year. All i can say is that for me this was mostly started and ended by changing my vantage point/perspective. for me, i was def in a college kinda bubble where all that mattered was grades, and extra-cirmitments, the solution was lo0oking beyond all this, which meant reading GNN, and Inga Muscio's stuff, and paying attention to bs bills being pushed through. if you are already up on all this, maybe trying to think about what's important to you and how to get it and why you're in school, etc. my most recent friend to feel this way got here due to reverse culture shock when returning to UNC from working in Africa with people dying of famine and HIV/AIDS, and seeing how much just food and money is thrown away or spent on nonessentials.

hope this helps
Michael

Re: wow, small world

As far as I can tell, angst is a common theme for LJs. I try to shy away from such trite material, but there are times where angst hits full force. I merely think this spell was a bit deeper than angst - I'm still not sure. For sure, I've given a lot of thought to many things, and my perspective has a lot of momentum behind it - this is a matter of gumption (read as defined in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance).

As a side note, your diction is rather confusing - most notably "was def in a college kinda bubble". I auto correct most internet errors, but this beats any rhetorical heuristic I've got - cool phrasing nonetheless. What's it mean?

Re: wow, small world

"was def in a college kinda bubble" = was definitely in a college kind of bubble = was in a phase wherein the only things that seemed significant or valuable were those closely related to college, especially earning, or at least receiving good grades