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Reality n+1 - Ego 0

I despise homework. Most of you know that. What may not be obvious is why I hate it. If it is easy, it must be a waste of my time. If it is hard, then I will likely spends many hours accomplishing absolutely nothing - save a few pages of bad work.

Calculus eludes me. There was a time when it was fairly basic and obvious, and conceptually it still is. Write it down and ask me to perform the mechanics of its grammar, though, and I am completely lost. Like can't integrate 1/r^3 from 0 to R lost. I think that's supposed to be an obvious example, but I can't even get the computer to tell me the answer.

The result is me calmly chugging to nowhere, getting ever nearer to either throwing the homework across the room or crying.

I hate that.

So much so that I may drop E-Mag. It's not critical to my course load, and frankly I don't think I'm ready for it. No rush - Oct. 17 the deadline to decide, but I really need to sleep and read more. Conceptually, I could pass this course fine, and I comprehend the resulting equations, but the gobledy gook in between confounds me - but makes just enough sense to frustrate. For the last year and a half, I have been trained to research stuff I need to know, and as a result, I have not needed to reinvent the wheel, save for a few derivations that don't really count - heck, I can't even remember how to derive Boltzmann's equation, and that's been drilled in at least four courses so far.

But I can apply it, and I know what it means. So I'm not incompetent, just severeley out of practice. And it hurts, oh so bad.